Sometimes life is sweet and we are so blissfully happy about it. Of course life can also be tart and we cry because it hurts. Putting things into these two categories is pretty simple, like black and white, they are a stark contrast. The trouble is placing things that fit into both or neither. Some things are sweet with a little tart or vice versa, some things are right in the middle.
I find that these moments are hard to talk about. Especially when they are tied up with someone else’s stark feelings. Say your boyfriend lands a great job in another state. They are mostly sweet with some tart, and you are mostly tart with a little sweet. This can be complicated, but really you both want what’s best. Even that situation seems easy in comparison to my personal example, if only because you are both involved, both people are related to the event.
In the case that brought on this post I must give a bit of back ground. When I was three my family moved into the house my father built for us. We had one neighbor out in the rural area we lived in. As luck would have it this house had a little girl in it of the same age. My first friendship began, and as my first (and one that occurred at such a young age) it remains my best. Things are so easy as children, but beyond that I was blessed with a very loving and caring individual.
Now we fast forward a good twenty years to some very exciting news. My friend is having her first child! I screamed when I found out. ~ The truth is this friendship did not last through moving towns at age seven, no surprise there kids have very small worlds. It did however continue to be a connection I valued and remembered well as I grew up. With the amazingness of technology we are able to keep up with each others life and interact at any time. ~ The joy I felt lasted for only a minute or two, but in that time I remembered all the fun we had shared as children, and I could picture with such clarity how amazing of a mother this friend would be. There was something so touching to remember her at such a young age and imagine her with a child at that age in the years to come.
All the amazing images that passed in that brief moment were pushed away as my selfish personal feelings came to the front. It has been a dream of mine for way too long (I mean I started wishing early) to be a mother. I have always loved children, and as my husband and I head toward our sixth anniversary I still wait. This is not to say my life is bad, or even that the timing is right, it’s just how I feel. And so I cried. I mean those tears that come with no noise, no dramatics, just straight from the heart pain.
And I struggled to find a balance there in that place between sweet and tart. And while I felt guilt I also realized that we are very blessed beings because we can feeling multiple emotions, and we have the ability to look at those emotions and give weight to some and overlook others. So while I felt sad I was also overjoyed.
And here is the sweet tart part of life. There is beauty and pain, there is rejoicing and suffering. We are very intricate and our feelings and emotions are that way too. Many blessing for reading. If this strikes you please comment or share a post with your own sweet tart moments, I would love to hear about it.
My time is up and I thank you for yours,